Looking for the perfect sympathy gift? Want to give something other than flowers? These meaningful sympathy gifts were my favorite ones I received when my mother died when I was 15.
Losing My Mom at 15
13 years ago, my mom passed away from cancer. Her death came all too fast. None of us were expecting it. I was a young 15 year-old at the time and to say my life was turned upside down is an understatement.
However, I am still humbled to look back and see the generosity and love pour out from wonderful friends, neighbors, and even strangers. Receiving their kind gifts and thoughtful acts helped me and our family get through that first year.
Because that first year definitely was the hardest.
No matter how many years go by since then, I still vividly remember that Spring of 2001. Memories of the thoughtful gifts and acts of kindness are never forgotten.
It’s never easy to comfort someone who has lost someone so dear.
But, having gone through it, I’ll tell you some of the gifts we received that meant the most. They meant the most because I still remember them to this day.
Here are 6 of my favorite Sympathy Gifts we received:
1. Memory Book
One of my mom’s close friends spent a few weeks gathering and compiling memories from those that knew her. These memories came from neighborhood friends, teachers, extended family members, and others who knew her. I am humbled to think of all the time she spent collecting, typing, formatting, and printing this book for each of my family members. To this day, this memory book is one of my most cherished possessions.
We received that memory book just a month after my mom passing away, on Mother’s Day. That first Mother’s Day was very hard, but having someone think of us was incredibly thoughtful.
I still pull out that book of memories on her birthday or anytime I want to share stories with my husband or children. What I really loved about this sympathy gift is that a lot of the stories in the book were things I had never heard before about my mom.
One of my mom’s walking friends in our neighborhood brought each member of my family a journal. She told us that while memories were still vivid, we should record any thoughts and feelings we were having. Being the avid journal writer that I am, this was a gift that is priceless to me. I still look back through this journal and cherish what I recorded.
This is one of my favorite sympathy gifts to give someone.
3. Personalized Blankets & Teddy Bears
A really close group of friends gave me a huge, super soft blanket and a giant teddy bear. When I felt alone and sad, especially during those first few months, I loved having something cuddly to snuggle with. Another friend gave me a blanket with an embroidered quote that said, “God gave us memories so we’d have roses in December.” That quote is one of my favorites to this day. I will often share that with others who are experiencing sad moments because of death.
4. Family Fun Coupon Book
Although the other sympathy gifts I have mentioned were very thoughtful and appreciated, it was nice to receive something that was a little more light-hearted. A few of my dad’s co-workers created a Family Fun Coupon Book and gave it to us a few weeks after the funeral.
When my mom passed away, there were 6 kids under 17 still at home. So you can imagine the burden that my dad must have felt to suddenly have to take on all the extra tasks my mom would normally do. We all tried to pitch in and help with dinner, dishes, and laundry, but we all felt the stress from our new situation.
We received a 4×6 photo album with a coupon or gift certificate in each slot to local eateries, pizza shops, ice cream shops, movie theaters, etc. We used this a lot those first few months when none of us felt like cooking and we needed to get out of the house. It not only reduced stress by not having to cook, but it helped us create some family bonds together during those really rough months.
This coupon book lasted us almost an entire year and was one of our most favorite family gifts.
5. People Just “Showing Up”
Having been on both sides, it’s hard knowing what to say to someone who has just lost a person very close to them. And it’s also hard to ask for help.
It’s human nature to say, “Let me know if you need anything”, but honestly, it’s really hard sometimes to call someone up and ask for a meal or a favor.
We loved when someone would just show up and say, “I’m here to help clean” or “Here is a meal for tonight and if you already have one, freeze it for another night.”
Instead of saying “Let me know if I can help with anything”, try saying, “What is something I could do to help you?” Even better, try and think of a need they might have and offer to help with that specific thing.
A few ideas include:
- Mowing the lawn
- Taking a meal (in disposable dishes they don’t have to return!)
- Picking up groceries
- Running misc. errands
- Doing laundry
6. Inspirational Music
Since I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, we know that we will see our family members after this life because of the Plan of Happiness. Knowing that I would see my mom again after this life was very reassuring, but I still missed her! I received a few music CDs that helped me feel of God’s love, despite this trial I was going through.
7. Cards, Flowers, Texts, and Emails
If none of the above gift ideas sound like a good fit, don’t forget the simple ones. A card, flower bouquet, text, or email will still make a difference.
When someone loses someone they love, the thought really does count. And it counts big!
Tip: Flowers are a very popular gift. While they are appreciated, consider giving flowers a few weeks after the funeral on a special day like a holiday or just-because. Flowers received at the funeral tend to carry the memory of the death with them, while flowers later on may seem happier.
Anything is better is nothing.
Just remember, it’s not always easy to know what to say or give, but from experience, I will say that doing anything is better than nothing. Those thoughtful gifts and acts of kindness you give will not be forgotten.
One of my favorite quotes is, “You can pretend to care, but you can’t pretend to be there.”
Be there for anyone who is going through something hard. They will appreciate it!